Does your friend feel like a foe?
I tell everyone that you are the wild one; and I’m the conservative one.
How can you possibly spend enough time with your kids while getting a master’s degree?
You work out? I’m too busy for stuff like that; I have better things to do.
I don’t want a career; I put my kids first.
You’re working outside the home? I follow the Prophet—but that’s just me.
I noticed you include your maiden name on your work. That seems rather silly to me.
Frenemy or Frenemies: A person/s who is or pretends to be a friend but who is also in some ways an enemy or rival.
The above comments were directed at me followed by a nervous laugh from the women who said them. I laughed too because I was clueless in how to respond to passive-aggressive comments and behaviors. (One good thing about growing older: Most adults mature in middle-age and no longer engage in these forms of verbal competition and combat. We also tend to grow wiser in our friendships and in our choice of friends.) As a younger woman, I would sulk for a few days after negative interactions like the ones above; sometimes I plotted to get even. At that time in my life, confrontation or honest dialogue did not feel like an option for me. (I had tried confronting a hostile friend during my early 20s. Didn’t work. Because at that time, I didn’t know how to speak my truth directly, constructively, and honestly.)
I was not alone in my dilemma. During the last 50 years, North American research in communication studies consistently reveals the difficulty that adults (particularly and traditionally among Western women) have with directly engaging or in confronting a passive-aggressive or overtly hostile person. (As an aside, I write this post from my own perspective as a white American woman who was born at the tail end of the “Baby Boomer” generation.) Generally speaking, people don’t want to be viewed as unkind or combative. Like many others, I remained silent or engaged in passive-aggressive behavior because that seemed “nicer” and less confrontational in contentious situations. As a result, adults often adopt this kind of pretense as a coping strategy. For me, when in the presence of a frenemy or a hostile person, I masked my resentment with a forced smile. Venting my frustrations to other friends was cathartic. For one minute. Gossiping about a frenemy behind her back while being friendly to her in person was hypocritical and unproductive. And I knew it.
In any case, most, if not all of us have been there. In this painful angry place. Caught between friendship and antagonism; benevolence and animosity; good will and ill will. We stay because we don’t know how to leave. Or whether we should leave. Because we don’t want to be perceived as petty, overly sensitive, or mean. So, we stay in a poisonous friendship or relationship. And simmer in our angry noxious stew.
It’s difficult for me to write about my broken friendships. I forgave these women many years ago. In the previous century. And I hope they have forgiven me.
Still, I write carefully and cautiously for fear of sounding petty or unforgiving. My fear is unfounded. Because my critics will judge me anyway.
Greater still, I write to help others build more healthy friendships and relationships. To share my hard earned lessons in efforts to help others find some sort of peace and resolution. And to help others learn from my mistakes. Mistakes I would not have made. If I knew then. What I know now.
So, here I go. Revealing truths about my long-ago former self to you.
Artist: Daniel Ridgeway
My last two posts suggested using our enemies or opposition as learning tools for our spiritual and emotional growth. I also suggested we utilize divine intervention in disarming and/or overcoming our opposition or enemies. In this post, I’ll discuss the difference between friends and frenemies/enemies along with my own observations in maneuvering and/or exiting an unhealthy friendship or relationship. Finally, I will offer suggestions to help inoculate ourselves against toxic interactions and friendships.
As I said before, “frenemy” is a trendy, clever label referring to the term “toxic friendship.” In my view, a frenemy doesn’t seem to be as potently poisonous as a toxic friend. Frenemies often remain our casual friends despite some elements tainting the friendship. However, a safe distance is often necessary to keep the noxious elements contained. When poisons increasingly sour a friendship or relationship, an inevitable crossroad will eventually appear: We can either speak directly about the toxicity and work through the noxious elements in the friendship, or we can decide to exit or end it. Obviously, perfect friendships and relationships don’t exist. And we’re all capable of being mean, catty, snobby, and obnoxious. Still, as noxious poisons grow within a friendship, they often breed more virulent toxins such as resentment, rage, or contempt within ourselves and with the person involved—often inflaming a desire for vengeance toward a former friend.
Dr. Susan Forward, author of the two books, Toxic Parents and Toxic In-Laws, coined the word “toxicity.” She says that toxicity permeates friendships, marriage, parenting styles, and family relationships. “Like a chemical toxin,” she writes, “the emotional damage inflicted spreads… [There is an] erosive and poisonous effect that certain people in our lives can have on us” (p. 5).
So, how do we determine when a friendship or relationship turns toxic? How do we determine toxicity in others? And in ourselves? Psychologist, Jeannette Kennedy, in her article, “Toxic Relationships Can Be Mentally and Physically Draining,” gives helpful insights:
We feel as though we have just been run over, slimed or drained. We stick with these relationships in the hopes that it will get better or change. However, remaining in the relationships (as they are) makes us sicker and sicker, mentally and physically. Clearly, someone who is physically, sexually and/or emotionally abusive is not beneficial for our well-being. However, there are also more subtle ways that we can be negatively influenced including being criticized, dismissed or not being validated especially by the person who is supposed to love us. Being undermined, devalued or shunned all can exist in the context of relationships. We all make mistakes or our emotions get the best of us, but if negative interactions occur consistently it can wear us down“
SaltWire Network | Posted: June 14, 2013.
Dr. John Gottman explains and details these ideas with a very specific ratio:
There needs to be five (or more) positive events for every one negative. If the balance is less than that (or opposite) then it is only a matter of time before the relationship is in jeopardy. Contempt is the most damaging of interactions when it exists it is very unlikely that the relationship (or your self-worth) can survive.
We can differentiate between toxic people and those who celebrate us because when we are around people who celebrate us we feel energized, motivated, safe, secure, and a warm feeling washes over us. So, it is important to wisely choose whom you have in your life, and limit the amount of time you spend with toxic individuals”
(Truro Daily News, June 2, 2914).
We would be wise to remember that the same friends who had supported and nurtured us can also morph into formidable adversaries. Surely, we’ve all played an adversarial role when feeling insecure, threatened by a friend’s success, or for any reason. Psychology Today writer, Dr. Irene S. Levine gives further insight:
You are friends on the surface but the foundations of the friendship are very weak in terms of loyalty and mutual support. The relationship creates more grief for you than pleasure. Additionally, [you and your friend] aren’t able to communicate in a productive way. These all suggest that it’s probably time to let go” (2011).
A friend turned enemy is painful because it hinges on betrayal—real or perceived. As tensions intensify, we repeatedly ask ourselves: Is my friend (or co-worker, family member, etc.) capable of betraying me? Is my friend deliberately trying to hurt or undermine me? A “wait and see” approach often leads to increasing tension and hostility between friends to the point of irreparable damage. The scriptures tell painful stories of former friends turned enemies. The Old Testament’s portrayal of David and Saul is particularly poignant. Saul loved and mentored David. He could see greatness in David at a time when others dismissed David as irrelevant. Gradually, as David’s abilities and popularity increased, Saul began to loathe David to the point of Saul’s repeated attempts to kill David. We also read about Christ’s trusted apostles and disciples who either betrayed or abandoned Him. And the mob who martyred Joseph Smith included some of his former friends—men who had served alongside him in the Church. If we have frenemies and enemies, we’re in good company!
To let go or not to let go? That is the question.
Herein likes the dilemma: Is letting go of a friendship or relationship worth the inevitable pain and collateral damage? As a young woman, my fear paralyzed me. So for years, I mired in some unhealthy friendships. My emotional response pattern following a “friendly fire” incident was always the same—pushing me into a higher gear of frustration and helplessness. My internal dialogue (rightly or wrongly) sounded like this:
She’s got a lot of nerve saying that to me. She’s supposed to be my friend.
Who does she think she is?
Why is she treating me this way?
Why is she being so mean? I didn’t do anything to her.
I’ve been a good friend to her. I don’t deserve this.
She doesn’t deserve my friendship.
I should stand up to her. (I’d conjure up potential “come-back” responses for my next encounter. Too afraid to use them, I stayed silent—and sullen.)
Eventually, I’d calm down. But my cluelessness regarding conflict resolution was a source of personal distress. Old and useless tapes would replay inside my head:
I can’t respond with anything but passive-aggression. I don’t want to be rude. (Passive-aggression is rude. And there’s always other options.)
I have to be Christlike. I must be kind. (True. We should also be kind to ourselves. “Love they neighbor as thyself.” In other words, we should not abuse others or allow abusive behavior from others.)
Like I said before, growing older and wiser has many advantages. During my 30s, I came to understand that my fear, anxiety, and inability to speak truthfully to adversarial friends never solved conflict while undermining my inner peace. I had allowed other women’s opinions of me to hold me emotionally hostage because my fear of rejection was its own brand of paralysis. I had also internalized society’s somewhat skewed definition of kindness; I had mistakenly believed that the feelings of my friends, family, and strangers were more important than my own. I’m not suggesting that my feelings are more important than anyone else’s. Still, it took me awhile to understand that my feelings are just as valid as other people’s feelings. In failing to set healthy boundaries, I had allowed others to manipulate me and/or put me down. (Or, I’d save them the trouble by putting myself down.) My reasoning sounded like this:
I can’t respond assertively because I don’t want my frenemy, co-worker, family member, etc., to think I’m overly sensitive. (But in my fear, I allowed others to behave insensitively toward me.)
If I ignore it, she’ll stop. (Doesn’t work. Ignoring and pretending emboldens frenemies.)
I’ll rise above this by being the “bigger person.” (I didn’t rise…I got covered in mud alongside my frenemy by fueling feelings of rivalry and resentment.)
I’m afraid how she’ll react if I speak directly about my feelings. How would she respond? What would she say? Would I be tongue tied? (The actions of toxic friends and family are already scary. We choose our fear.)
Speaking truthfully to her would hurt her feelings. (Again, I was discounting my own feelings for the sake of keeping the peace with my friend. And my passive-aggressive responses were unjustified and hurtful to my friend/frenemy. In the end, my unhealthy behavior undermined my self-worth.)
I don’t want any fall-out or drama; it would just make things worse. (Things got worse anyway.)
I don’t want her to think I’m a “drama queen.” (But allowing ourselves to be manipulated and/or verbally abused is not the answer. People think what they want anyway. My passive-aggressive responses were their own brand of “drama queen” behavior.)
I’m afraid she won’t like me anymore. (My frenemies didn’t like me anyway.)
I have to stay friends with her. She’s in my ward. She’s in the neighborhood. It’s not worth the hassle. (I had more choices than I realized.)
If I speak my truth to her, she’ll gossip about me. (She was gossiping about me anyway, and I was gossiping about her.)
I also felt conflicted regarding Christ’s admonition of “turning the other cheek.” This principle was offered as the only solution during Relief Society lessons, talks, and other gospel discussions within the Church. For me, the Relief Society sisters’ interpretation of offering our other cheek meant living a life as a passive victim. Surely, Christ doesn’t expect us to live our lives in passivity and victimhood. Adding to my confusion, Latter-day Saint Church lessons, talks, and discussions praised Christ’s ability to rebuke the Pharisees and abruptly correct His apostles. Images of Christ cracking His whip and overturning tables in the temple seemed to be the antithesis of pacifism. Furthermore, Moroni’s righteousness, fearlessness, and bold personal style had been canonized in The Book of Mormon. For example, Moroni’s strident, confrontational letter to the Nephite judge Pahoran; Moroni accuses Pahoran of cowardice and indifference to the suffering Nephites. Despite Moroni’s aggressiveness and false accusations against Pahoran, Moroni is still regarded as a heroic and righteous man.
These contradictory messages led me to believe that passive-aggressive behavior seemed to be the only option or “most” Christlike solution for us “ordinary people”—not the ideal solution but seemingly “better” than speaking directly or engaging in outright confrontation. I hadn’t yet fully understood that passive-aggression is its own form of toxicity. Our pretense and denial surrounding this type of aggression makes us hypocritical because we’re behaving badly and we know it; we’re “being” the very thing we claim to abhor. I have yet to see a healthy and loving passive-aggressive relationship.
Artist: Daniel Gerhartz
Letting Go
I couldn’t change others, but I could change my responses to others. Earnest prayer and earning a master’s degree in Communication Studies led me to this conclusion: Directly and clearly telling my truth to a hostile person and/or friend is the honest and constructive response.
Dr. Brene Brown gives a valuable litmus test in deciding to end a friendship or relationship. She says healthy relationships are based on mutuality and require boundaries and trust. She uses a marble jar analogy to illustrate dynamics within relationships. Her daughter’s teacher had used a marble jar in the classroom to reinforce positive interactions. Marbles would be added based on good deeds or taken away if something negative occurred. Dr. Brown explained to her daughter that relationships act on the same premise:
When someone supports you, is kind to you, sticks up for you or honors what you share as private, you put marbles in the jar. When people are mean, disrespectful, share secrets, marbles come out. When you hold people in your life against the marble jar test, how does the relationship measure up?”
Kennedy, Truro Daily News, para. 9.
Should we decide to end a friendship or relationship, I won’t pretend that the fall-out isn’t painful—especially if it’s a family member, or if your “friend” lives in your ward, your neighborhood, or when your children are friends. “Choose your poison” aptly describes this predicament. The good news: When the dust settles, our own personal peace is worth the pain. Forever boiling in anger and resentment isn’t worth the pretense of “friendship.” Speaking our truth directly to a friend has an upside: A hostile friend or frenemy will often deny her manipulative behavior when directly questioned and/or confronted. Ironically, a frenemy or adversary often stops the exact behavior she had initially denied after being questioned or confronted about it. In other words, when exposed to a disinfectant light, the subterfuge often stops. Really, it’s that simple. When a person knowingly and willfully hurts her friend, she’s not a true friend. We should also remember that if we can’t find the guts to speak truthfully to a hostile friend (co-worker, family member, etc.), we forfeit our right to complain or indulge in self-pity. (I’m not talking about physical abuse or putting ourselves in a danger.)
Sadly, each time I spoke my truth directly to a hostile friend, all of my fears materialized, and those particular friendships ultimately died. Of course, I mourned the loss. But here’s the thing: I didn’t collapse. I didn’t die. Instead, a part of me felt relieved and empowered. My anxiety dissipated. Eventually, so did my anger. My conscience cleared. I didn’t just survive, I began to thrive. I don’t mean to imply that direct dialogue is a quick and easy fix. But unquestionably, direct dialogue to a hostile friend exposes (and often ends) the pretense and ongoing tension in the friendship. True, direct speech often ends one kind of pain while introducing another, but this approach makes resolution more probable.
Additionally, most of us have experienced the “second-wave” pain and awkwardness in the aftermath of difficult conversations. Thankfully, this awkwardness tends to soften over time and might disappear as the friendship or relationship continues. If our friendship or relationship ends, we surely mourn. Yet, there’s peace in knowing we have made sincere efforts toward resolution and in fostering more healthy relationships. As my own hurt and anger diminished after speaking my truths to a hostile friend, my personal peace grew proportionally. I understood Dr. Phil’s admonition regarding the hardship in maintaining unhealthy relationships when he said: “Peace at any price is no peace at all.“
Writer Paige Williams’ observations mirror mine:
Small infractions (from a toxic friendship) add up and wear you down, the way rivers forge canyons. If we’re ridding our lives of stuff that threatens our well-being, a bad friend belongs right there on the junk pile along with stress, overspending, and trans fats. She takes up far more psychic space than she deserves or we can handle, and yet we keep her around for the same reasons we hang on to those size 6 jeans: We think things will turn around and/or we can’t confront reality. ‘Maybe this friend will change,’ we tell ourselves yet again. Yeah, and maybe we’ll magically shrink five jeans sizes overnight.
I’m starting to think a frenemy can be exposed with a few easy questions: Do you look forward to seeing this person, or do you consider it a chore? Is she truly happy to see you, or do you suspect she wants something from you or needs to lord something over you? Will you walk away from this meeting feeling good—or feeling manipulated, demeaned, poisoned, or played?
I’ve had a few such friendship terrorists in my life, and I’m absolutely certain I’ve been one at times, too, but part of growing up means knowing when to stop playing pretend. Remaining attached to some people is like slaving over a withered garden without realizing all the plants are dead. And letting the negative relationships suck up time and energy only deprives us of the opportunity to nurture and appreciate those friendships that actually do work. Friendship is about collaboration, not domination. Because we should be stewards of each other’s rooms, I am happy to help you keep yours clean, but life is too fleeting to let you continue trashing mine“
The Friendship Detox: How to Say Goodbye and Good Riddance. O Magazine. March 2010.
Transforming and Transcending
As I said earlier, I’m very wiling to shine a harsh light on my own complicity in toxic friendships. I’m not proud of my gossipy cattiness or my passive-aggression toward women who had hurt me. Although I had sincerely believed that I was not the one to draw “first blood” or “cast the first stone” in causing my friendship to sour, my defensive strategies were still unhealthy and contributed to the toxicity within the friendship. Yes, operating from a defensive, not an offensive position gives a person the initial moral high ground. (Moroni tells us that.) Maintaining the moral high ground during battle requires nothing short of the Spirit. (Moroni tells us that too.) As a young woman, I assumed that prayers involving contentious relationships were unrighteous and prideful—not to mention the idea of actually seeking the Spirit to help me strategize and resolve adversarial relationships. By the same token, my passive-aggressive responses toward adversaries weakened the Spirit’s ability to tutor me. Bad or negative behavior and the Holy Spirit cannot coexist in the same moment. In other words, there’s no such thing as righteously behaving with dignity and class, and at the same time purposely hurting and insulting another person. Thus, my “she started it” defense—no matter how true and/or justified—did not excuse my negative behavior.
Admitting and “coming clean” about our bad behavior takes courage. I respect people who have the guts to do it. The Latter-day Saint Church’s Twelve Step program teaches that our willingness to account for our behavior is the first step toward spiritual and emotional growth and in healing and resolution. My learning curve reflects the Apostle Paul’s in 1 Corinthians 13: 11:
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
Again, I regret hurting other women. I have offered apologies along with sincere efforts to amend my past mistakes. I hope they have forgiven me. I use this public forum to again apologize for my passive-aggression as a younger woman. On the other hand, forgiving my former frenemies and adversaries was effortful and often difficult; my wounds were deep. Still, we are taught that forgiveness is the only path to lasting personal peace; and I worked hard to get there. As an older woman, my hard earned knowledge and wisdom have led me to peaceful and satisfying friendships and relationships. There is “wisdom for the pain.”
Inoculating Ourselves Against Toxicity
For the most part, I was blessed by a cocoon of nurturing high school and college friends. Although younger people (including our younger selves) tend to use comparison as the favored measuring tool in defining ourselves, my friends were still very affirming and supportive of me. Obviously, single women and men compete with each other when seeking a partner or spouse, but once partnered or married, the competition ends. As a newlywed, I observed and experienced a new dynamic within married women’s friendships because marriage naturally introduces new dimensions and complexities. Not knowing this beforehand, I was taken aback by the actuality of competition and comparison between married couples and other couples, and in the individual friendships between married women—whether in or out of the Church. For instance, comparisons and competition involved careers, incomes, education, the ability to afford desirable homes and neighborhoods, personal accomplishments and talents, popularity, appearance, well-behaved and accomplished children, personal “righteousness,” loving and supportive husbands, and holding influential Church callings were the most obvious.
As we know, comparing ourselves to others is a normal human experience—albeit a painful one. Comparison is called “the thief of joy.” When comparing ourselves to others, competing with others tends to follow. If we’re not careful, too much comparison in friendships and relationships can be very demeaning and demoralizing for all participants. I’m not saying that competition between individuals and groups is inherently wrong or unhealthy; society often requires competition in order to thrive and/or survive. On the other hand, we have (or will) tasted the bitter fruits of covetousness, pride, envy, anger, guilt, and resentment resulting from comparison and competition. Authenticity and honest dialogue can serve to alleviate these feelings within ourselves and with others.
At the beginning of this post, I touched on the advantage of aging. I’ve learned for myself that the negative interactions and relationships my younger self tolerated, our older self no longer permits. Consequently, my friendship circle has diminished considerably—a conscientious choice on my part. I am much more careful with whom I allow personal access to my life. My cautiousness is not spiteful but prudent. Just as a person can earn her way into our friendship circles, she can also earn her way out when her behavior is consistently or purposely hurtful. I was in my mid 30s when I finally figured this out and thus decided to be my own best friend. Are you in a friendship that hurts? I suggest the following:
- No one has an innate right to your friendship.
- Just because a person wants your friendship doesn’t mean she’s entitled to it.
- You get to decide who’s allowed into your circle of friends.
- You have the right to set your own boundaries, expectations, and parameters regarding your friendships and interactions with other people.
- Your friends (or extended family) should not be allowed to determine or to set their own terms or make their own rules in their interactions with you and then expect your humble compliance.
- You have a right to self-determination.
- Don’t allow a friend to use you as his or her personal measuring tool.
- Don’t be held hostage to a “friendship” (or relationship) if your friend is manipulating you through guilt, fear, shame, or intimidation.
- Don’t allow a friend to control or bully you.
- You have the right to determine your own outcomes without your friends’ approval.
This all sounds easy to do, but for so many of us, setting healthy boundaries is very difficult. We also experience unhealthy behaviors as both giver and receiver. It’s important that we recognize these negative behaviors within ourselves. Furthermore, you might want to rethink or even exit a friendship (or relationship) if your friend (or family member, co-worker, etc.) consistently behaves in the following ways:
- Your friend often engages in covert and subversive behaviors such as lying to you, gaslighting you, denying her hurtful behavior, minimizing your feelings, gossiping about you, etc.
- Your friend often condescendingly lectures you about your “wrong” opinions and viewpoints while positioning herself as morally superior to you.
- Your friend often hints that she’s better than you.
- Your friend consistently offers “helpful advice” to undermine your sense of self-worth or success.
- Your friend consistently engages in competitive one-upmanship with you.
- Your friend consistently tries to engage you in power struggles in attempts to dominate and control you and the friendship.
- Your friend uses passive-aggressive behaviors such as “the silent treatment” or withdrawing from the friendship for purposes of “punishing” you.
- Your friend consistently criticizes you, puts you down, or tells jokes at your expense.
- Your friend uses self-serving smokescreens such as false or fake offers of “peace” or diplomacy such as “killing you with kindness,” stonewalling you, denial, entrapment, and other forms of subterfuge called “crazy-making.”
- A friend who engages in any or all of the above behaviors while still insisting she’s your good friend is gaslighting you and abusing you.
Be your own best friend! Steer clear of any potential “friend” who would chafe against these reasonable expectations.
In Conclusion
During the last couple of decades, my friendships and relationships have been far less stressful. If tension or conflict arises, my commitment to honest, mature, and constructive dialogue—coupled with mutual accountability is non-negotiable. Without these elements conflict resolution is impossible. I won’t pretend this is easy. Honesty and accountability are demanding task masters. But, denial, manipulation, and game-playing also require enormous amounts of energy. Even worse, it’s negative energy and very exhausting. Excessive pretense and posturing pertaining to one’s image also causes strain, stress, and anxiety within one’s self and within friendships. It’s like one or both friends are forever trying to convince each other that the sky is actually green. But, we all know the sky is blue. Still, we pretend the sky is green in order to “keep the peace,” remain connected to the friendship, and/or retain our perceived image. As a result, resentment and anger in both friends continues to fester. Eventually, the emotional gymnastics wear us down while compromising our personal integrity and peace.
So, if a friend denies ongoing and obvious tension in our friendship, or refuses honest discussion, I am no longer afraid to end the friendship—for her sake and mine. My friend still has a right to her own self-determination; she’s still free to feel and act however she wants. So am I. And, a “friendship break” doesn’t mean a future re-negotiation is not a possibility. I get that relationships with family members are far more complex than friendships because of their innate and permanent connections. Detoxing relationships with toxic parents and/or siblings are the most difficult but are still possible—and sometimes mandatory for our own sanity. Professional help if often necessary.
I’ll end this post with the compassionate voice of psychologist, Dr. Shasta Nelson from her article published in The Huffington Post:
We were all meant to be a blessing on this planet, even if we do adopt behaviors that can damage one another. This worldview invites us to see our relationships as our self-growth laboratory, a context in which we learn the genuine dynamics of who we are and who our friends are.
When we show up, really show up with someone, seeing them past the healthy, non-toxic façade we thought they were initially, it allows us to ask: ‘What does this relationship tell me about myself, about what I value, about what edges I need to smooth? Have I clearly communicated to her what I want and need from her and how her behavior impacts me? Have I sought to understand why she’s acting out her insecurities with me in this way? And what does this relationship tell me about her and how I can give to her in ways that mean something meaningful to her?‘
I’m not saying you need to get closer to everyone whom you consider toxic. But I am saying you’ll have to do it with a few of them if you want Frientimacy—friends with whom we experience familiarity, safety, comfortableness and acceptance of both our good sides and our bad“
“Toxic Friendship?: Or Can You Work Toward Frientimancy?”, The Blog, June 3, 2014, para.15-16.
Don’t we all love happy endings? Happiness can also grow from the ashes of sad endings. Proverbs promises “beauty for ashes” if we seek divine help.
Here’s to detoxing,
Julie
